The Third Stage of Regret

An old picture with me wearing a Lilly Pulitzer cotton cardigan as I poke through the sidewalk sales downtown.

Douglas Adams wrote in The Restaurant at the End of the Universe:

“The History of every major Galactic Civilization tends to pass through three distinct and recognizable phases, those of Survival, Inquiry and Sophistication, otherwise known as the How, Why, and Where phases.

For instance, the first phase is characterized by the question ‘How can we eat?’, the second by the question ‘Why do we eat?’, and the third by the question ‘Where shall we have lunch?’”

Less wittily, I go through three stages when I am purging old clothes.

Stage One: “I need to get rid of stuff.”

I know I have too many clothes. I go through and find items I haven’t worn in a while, and find a new home where they can be used.

Stage Two: “I regret that I got rid of that.”

In the second stage, I begin to long for the item I got rid of. I may stumble across an old photograph, or I get something new that I think would be perfect with it. I get frustrated with myself for my impulsiveness and lack of foresight.

Stage Three: “Oh, that’s why I got rid of it.”

Stage three comes with Newtonian predictability. When I do have the opportunity to reacquire the item (for example, in some cases friends not being able to use it anymore), within a few minutes, I realize, “Oh, that is why I got rid of it.” It is too small, too binding, too chaffing, or even just always third place after two better items. Now I am stuck with it again.

Which means after regretting buying something, and then regretting regretting buying something, I am regretting regretting regretting buying something.

Eventually, I will be smart enough to skip Stage Two and not require Stage Three. But, looking at this picture — the almost mythical non-frumpy cardigan — it is not yet.